Day 9: Internet Interrogation

31 Days of Summer: Day NIIIINE

 

YES I KNOW. This is a “tag” post. Which means that some bored soul decided to make up a bunch of unimportant questions to ask other bored souls.

No, STOP, don’t roll your eyes. This tag is special.

This specific tag, I am told, is used when authorities interrogate suspect criminals…ooh. Aah.

“You have exactly three seconds to explain to me where you buy your groceries.”

Here it is:

1. Do you have any pets?

I do not have pets. I have kindred life/soul mates. They just happen to be cats. Mistoffolees and Shyloh are their names. Then my sister has a dog named Harlo. He’s an epileptic corgi/chihuahua that looks like Darth Vader and is currently, appropriately, plotting my demise.

2. Name 3 things that are physically close to you.

A fabulous cat, a shitty computer, and chocolate cupcake crumbs?

3. Do you drive? If so have you crashed?

I do NOT DRIVE. If I did drive, I would not be answering this question. Because I would be dead.

4. What time did you wake up this morning?

6:59. Alarm’s at 7:00. I’m gifted you see.

5. When was the last time you showered?

I believe it was either 16, 783 BC or 16, 782 BC. One of the two, and if not, it was this morning.

6. What’s the weather like right now?

Sunny but sun setty. Super warm.

7. What was the last movie you saw?

Minority Report. I almost had to be hospitalized when Agatha grabbed Tom Cruise and pulled him into the water.

8. What does your last text message say?

“I am debating between sea-green cornrows done into a top knot, or sea-green dreads done into a top knot.” Yes folks, this is real life.

9. What’s your ringtone?

I don’t really know. My phone is always on silent and I don’t have Caller ID so I never answer it in case it’s my cell phone company asking why I never pay them. I have voice mail. Thank God for voice mail.

10. Have you ever been to a different country?

Yes! I’ve been to a few places in the States, and I’ve also been to Spain, Italy, Finland, Croatia, Greece, and Turkey. Once I had a layover in London, so that counts too, right?

11. Do you like sushi?

I didn’t until I discovered the yam tempura roll. Now I love sushi. But please, someone, tell me how on Earth you eat the stuff.

12. Where do you buy your groceries?

At the grocery store.

13. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster?

Yes…this crazy thing happened and I fell asleep faster. I was also on oxycodone for a week after surgery and wow, best week of my life. KIDS, DON’T DO DRUGS.

14. How many sibling do you have?

Two whole ones; one sister and two half-brothers. That’s how math works, right?

15. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?

I have a…shitty laptop….er, sorry, I mean a “notebook”. But even so, I’m grateful.

16. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?

TWENTY GOD IT’S STRESSFUL WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE.

17. Do you wear contacts or glasses?

Neither. But I once desperately applied to a Lenscrafters and they asked me the same question. I replied, “No, I have 20/20 vision. But everyone else in my family is essentially blind, so I feel like I have some acquired experience in the field.” I did not get the job.

18. Do you color your hair?

No, I don’t! But I know, I know; it must seem like it. How else would I be able to obtain such a glorious and unique shade of…brown.

19. Tell me something you are planning to do today.

I think I have some drug running penciled in. BUT DON’T DO DRUGS, KIDS.

20. When was the last time you cried?

I cried today when my friend was telling me how in love her and her boyfriend are. Seriously. I cry all the time. And I’m jolly alright with that fact.

21. What is your perfect pizza topping?

I despise pizza. My perfect topping is an anti-topping: NO CHEESE. Go ahead and shake your heads at me, but melted cheese is terrifying.

22. Which do you prefer-hamburgers or cheeseburgers?

I’m vegetarian, and I don’t even really like veggie burgers. I swear I’m not a picky eater…

23. Have you ever had an all-nighter?

Of course. The most recent was a night I went out with my friends, lost them, and ended up stuck downtown because the busses home had stopped running. I found a 24 hour café and narrated 50 Shades of Grey to a bunch of Australian tourists until it was morning.

24. What is your eye colour?

The irises are brown, and then the pupils are black. The rest of them are white unless I haven’t slept. In that case they get veiny and red.

25. Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke?

Probably not, but I don’t drink either because the bubbles in carbonated drinks hurt my throat.

On that note, I think you have concluded that I am exceptionally weird. Good. It was bound to happen at some point.

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